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| Ultrasound picture of my yougest son, who incidentally is now a bus driver... Spooky ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dining out one evening at the Halfway Inn (Keiths bar), I noticed six teenagers boisterously celebrating some event at a nearby table. Toward their end of their meal, one of them got up and produced a camera.
"Hey, wait a minute," one of her companions said. "You have to be in the picture too."
When I approached and asked if I could help, the girl who owned the camera was delighted. I snapped a picture of the group and then, being unfamiliar with the camera, I asked her, "Do you want me to take another in case that one doesn't come out?"
"Oh, no, that's okay," she chirped innocently. "I always get double prints." ___________ Do you realise that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?.... "I'm four and a half" .... You're never 36 and a half .... you're four and a half going on five! That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. And then the greatest day of your life happens .... you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony .... you BECOME 21 ... YES!!! But then you turn 30 .... ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk .... He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now. What's wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40 ..... stay over there, it's all slipping away ........ You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50 ..... and your dreams are gone. Then you MAKE IT to 60 ..... you didn't think you'd make it!!!! So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60 ...... then you build up so much speed you HIT 70! After that, it's a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday .... You get into your 80's, you HIT lunch. My grandmother won't even buy green bananas .... it's an investment you know, and maybe a bad one. And it doesn't end there .... into the 90's you start going backwards .... I was JUST 92 ... Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again .... "I'm 100 and a half!!!!" ___________ "Mary," asked Dawn thoughtfully one day, "what would you do if you caught your husband with another woman?"
"Another woman with MY husband?" Mary thought it over.
"Let's see. I'd break her cane, shoot her guide dog, and call a cab to take her back to the institution she escaped from." _____________ A guy goes into The Half Way Inn. He's sitting on the stool, enjoying his drink when he hears, "You look great!" He looks around - there's nobody near him. He hears the voice again, "No really, you look terrific." The guy looks around again. Nobody. He hears, "Is that a new shirt or something? Because you are absolutely glowing!" He then realizes that the voice is coming from a dish of nuts on the bar. "Hey," the guy calls to the bartender, "What's with the nuts?" "Oh," the bartender answers, "They're complimentary." _____________ On a holiday to Benalmadena one year, I arrived at the Malaga airpot and took a taxi to the minerva, where I was greeted by my hospitable Spanish host.
The cab driver requested 24euros for the fare. It seemed reasonable, so I started to hand him the money. But my host grabbed the Euros and initiated a verbal assault upon the cabby, calling him a worthless parasite and a disgrace to their country for trying to overcharge visitors. My host threw half the amount at the driver and told him never to return. As the taxi sped off, my host gave me the remaining euros and asked, "How was your trip?"
"Well it was Fine ... until you chased the cab away with my luggage in the boot." ____________ A husband came home from work one evening. He walked in the house and saw his wife sitting on the couch watching TV. She told him she was having trouble with her car.
"My car won't start," she said. "But I know what the problem is."
"OK, What's the problem?" the husband asked.
"There's water in the carburetor," she replied.
"Come on, honey," the husband said. "You don't know how a car works, much less what the parts look like, so how can you tell me there's water in the carburetor?"
"There's definitely water in the carburetor," the wife insisted.
"OK," the husband said. "I'll go take a look. Where is it?"
The wife said, "In the lake." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dont mess with the pussy ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MOUSE VIRUS | |
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